MY Time:
It was few,
Freshly conversed,
Like we hadn't seen each other in AGES,
I thought we were with the sages,
Ends up the sages were hiding from US,
Our fanaticisms were not a plus.
Throwing a football,
My frustrations mounted.
-he couldn't relate-
-to ME!!
It all ended up so painful,
The cut was fostered with fake care,
Like one who goes through the motions,
But what kind of notions,
Are these,
…that we're on the right track?
….something to appease the pain,
To erase the disdain,
Playing like an incessant tape,
-what was committed was almost rape!,
…..it haunts me to this day,
(busy chasing all my blues away!)
Many are the times,
My head heard no rhymes,
My words were taken away,
Told falsely that they were "astray",
Contradiction,
-told that fiction
Books are wrong,
But yet you sing your little song,
From your "fiction shows",
…I wish I had clearly SEEN,
The folly of it all,
How my thoughts, big & small,
Were the LIFE of me,
-the box they shoved me in,
-it took me DECADES to figure out-
Was my only REAL sin
-forcing me to evaluate,
How time itself would premeditate,
My self-righteous personality murder,
Shell-shattering breakthroughs,
Would be met with "misconstrues",
-I wanted to scream,
-they weren't on my team!,
…my side to them was, at best, interesting,
But, nonetheless, a mystery,
And seen as small & TRIFLING.
But, yet, THEIR personalities were STIFLING!,
Leaving their imprints on my mind,
Forcing me to leave my goals & dreams behind,
…but for something better?
My mother never KNEW,
ANYTHING better than YOU!!!,
Unfortunately, this was HER demise, too,
…but I FORCED myself AWAY from this thinking,
My personality was reeking,
Glaringly, my being was seeking,
-a release,
NOT a "decease",
-of the rights of man-
-more like woman & Child!
And YOU look at me strangely?
Take your thoughts RIGHT BACK to the polite few,
Who are ready & willing to stomach them,
Because that's what you've TRAINED them to do,
-forced smiles,
-augmented styles,
RO-BOTS,
…forced through slots,
Holes made small through pride,
The walls close in,
And for what SIN,
Are we subjected?
…how about YOUR laziness as PARENTS,
(yeah, I'M holding you accountable!)
-I smell a fraud,
Taking care to protect your-SELVES,
Bundles of measure passed off as "care",
PLEASE STOP CARING!
YOU'RE STIFLING ME!
Will you EVER agree?
…or should I stop trying…
-to offer you sanity,
In the form of my broken dreams,
Hoping YOU'LL see,
Your wicked schemes,
And fall at my feet,
And beg for forgiveness,
For your STUPID PARENTING,
And how it affects me,
Rejects me,
Makes me un-mate,
Reject & hate,
Myself,
…put my feelings on a shelf.
Lost all feeling,
For the healing,
That's inside of me!,
You guys are lucky,
I didn't numb myself, ever,
In the errant avenues of my ever-ready environment.
Hot on pursuit of the lips of my dreams,
My boyfriends were scared,
We ALL were,
Of how you TEARED
Away
Anything from me
That didn't match
YOUR distorted thinking!
Well, you're a bunch of fools,
And thanks for the memories,
Clouding my mind like old toilet paper,
That CAN'T be flushed,
Reality can't be rushed,
Back into my existence,
I'm forced to wait,
Though I don't HESITATE,
To reach for my healing,
It only happens so fast,
Like layers that only tear off in sequential order,
Anything else would represent disorder,
To my naked mind,
My mind takes it all in,
Too much would be a sin,
Because I just couldn't HANDLE it all,
---thanks again for making me feel small,
…I got lost in the corporate machine,
…I got lost with dumb exes,
Who reminded me of you!,
I was trapped of my own trappings,
But guess where it came from?
Being comfortable with chaos,
The "hate from above",
That YOU thought was LOVE,
-thanks a lot,
That I'm not,
Better off,
Instead, I scoff!,
At what my life has become,
This is WHY I write,
To get OUT of this mess!,
It's healing,
AND my calling,
Sweet Source, thank you,
That you're not through with me yet,
Do you wanna bet?
I WILL TRIUMPH,
Whether you EVER UNDERSTAND,
Or not.