If Kisses Were Bullets…
By H.X. Sin
The Middle Muse
2006, ISBN 097858007, $13.00, 268 pages

As a first novel If Kisses Were Bullets… is a daring beginning for H.X. Sin. Before you even pick up the book the title and name of the author give the misleading presentation that you may be morally obliged to burn it. The book is further cursed with an unusual format which for a casual reader could cause a headache. You are presented with what seems like two stories (not counting the appendix); one is printed on the left side of the book and the other on the right side. Reading the author's note at the beginning of the book you are told that you have the choice of reading the two stories one after another like any other linear book or to read them simultaneously.

Written from the perspective of the main character (who remains nameless throughout the book) as events unfold in front of him we listen to his internal processes that vary from sarcastic quips to long wandering ideas. It's the main characters internal dialog that carries you aimlessly through the book until much like him you have no idea what is going on any more.

The first story begins with the main character, twenty six years old, living in California and has become jaded by his life experiences of good and evil. To explain his attitude and life as he lives it now he flash backs to tales of his useless life filled with drinking and irresponsibility, he talks about the people in his life that have torn him down and built him up. Often it feels like you're reading poetry without the rhyming though beaten with a heavy rhythm. After a story or two of girls cheating on him, the death of loved ones and his involuntary incarceration in a mental institution you begin to understand why he thinks the way he does.

In the second story we jump forward six years and the main character has become a successful novelist. Now more than ever he is bitter and angry. He has conquered his personal demons and taken control of his life to do the one thing he loves most in the world. Yet still he find him self under the control of popular public opinion and in a world where a person who sticks to his morals isn't as important as having a bestseller. It's in his fame and money that the main character returns to his aimless and irresponsible life. Though he only gives hints (and later we read briefly about it in the appendix) we have to take it as given the in the six year interim that he was a better person and now he's back where he started.

It all comes together as you begin to see that the two stories overlay each making it seem like he's living the same things again. At first glance the book reads like a coming of age story where the character has to "come of age" twice because he messed it up the first time. This is ironic because as you come upon the plot, a series of murders, in the late stages of the book you begin to wonder if you missed something. Re-reading the book for clues to the murders makes you feel a bit like the main character having to start over. The best and worst thing about this book is that it relies heavily on the assumption that you will read it again but if you're willing to ignore the standard conventions you'll find yourself lost inside the pages.

The end of the book may leave you wanting for more which is either a short coming of the author or a well played intro to the sequel. As you wait for the next book you may find yourself reading the appendix, even against the author's suggestion. The first of these stories turns out to be an alternate version of his life like the alternate endings on a DVD. The second story gives a cursory explanation of his mysterious six years between being an unemployed twenty six year old and a famous author. The third index is filled with pictures some representing aspects of the book while other leaving you wondering why they're in there to begin with. In fact if you read the book again you'll find a random assortment of comments and elusions that seem out of place though some how vitally important to understanding everything giving you with the impression that the placement of everything in the book has been carefully structured.

H.X. Sin, while a writer, is above all and artist which may be the downfall of this book every becoming pop fiction. If Kisses Were Bullets… is not for the average reading. When picking up this book you have to be prepared to peal away the layers of pop, anger and diatribe to find out what is underneath. If you don't intend to read this book multiple times there's no point in reading it a first time.